Thursday, December 08, 2005


I remember thinking to myself the first time I logged here and did my first post ever - how interesting it was for a teacher to have blogging as a part of their routine assignments. I was really excited since I always wanted to have an online diary/journal so I couldn't wait to start it. However, when I look back at some of the entries, I think "oh yes, I remember that one! I did that a half hour before class" and I realized how much effort I put in the entries. Most of the entries made me realize that my brother and I have the same habit that we are complain a whole lot. I've realized how much I fear and how insecure I can be. I guess I'm surprised I can be open about everything and not blush because people will read it and see my words - rather than hear me say them.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005


Skin Deep

you see a pretty face and envy them
for the beauty that you don't possess
but have you ever thought that
maybe you're just like all the rest
cause all you see is that pretty face
you never thought to look past it
and see beyond the surface
you might never know that she
looks at her reflection
and doesn't see what you see
and you might never know
that she cries herself to sleep
and all the while you envy her
for the beauty that you don't possess
but have you ever wondered
if she envied you
for the beauty that you don't see
or think that you possess
have you ever wondered
if she like you wanted to be
just like you...

Monday, November 14, 2005


It's a sad day. My first-ever betafish Clyde died. I woke up to this morning to see Clyde curled up stiff at the bottom of the plastic container. The water was probably not made right. Except my other betafish Murray is doing fine. His corpse isn't lying on the stones. It was a shocking thing to wake up the morning to see your first betafish ever dead. Or rather any of your pets dead... R.I.P Clyde. =(

Well, as of now, I'm a worthless college student. I'm changing majors once again. Except the only problem is this - I have no clue what exactly I'll major in. That's not entirely true, my greatest passion is to write. I love to write. But I always felt because of my dad that nothing could come out of it. So, my hopes of becoming an english major was severed by my dad's concerns. For the sake of my dad, I tried to become a graphic design major. One thing, I do not even like one of the first prereq. class. So, now, I'm confused. I have a hint of direction where I'll take, but at the same time, I don't wanna keep hopping from one major to another.

Mrs. M, a nice lady from my school who works with the school and I met with weekly, helped me set up an appointment with a personal counselor and a career counselor. So, to kill two bird with one stone, I have both appointments this Wednesday. I only can't wait. I need to start thinking for myself and making my own decisions. The only part I'm dreading is facing my parents. I know it would be mean to spring it in on them right when I first come home for Thanksgiving. So, I'll e-mail them telling them what's the deal and that we'll talk further about this when I get home for Thanksgiving. I just hope it won't be hell for me. I really want my family to support me and be happy for me. I tried to make them happy, but now, I wanna make myself happy. Is that wrong?? Is that selfish of me???

My roomie now is moving out next semester. And one of my good friends Mel is moving in with me. I'm really excited about it. It'll be different now. Now, I can enjoy Keene. Maybe, I won't even need to transfer. I think I wanted to transfer to another college to start anew. But I realize that isn't wise if i don't know specifically which direction I'm going in. So, I'm taking the right steps to figure out what I want to do and how to achieve it. Next semester is gonna be a riot. I just hope everything will go smooth.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Feeling Alright

I can't wait until Thanksgiving. Actually, I can't wait until Winter Break. I never used to be so psyched to be home. I like the feeling of being home. And I like being close to my boyfriend. I rarely get to see him anymore. We're busy busy people. I miss him a lot.

I'm not going home this weekend. Shall be interesting. Drinking with a good friend of mine shall prove to be the highlight of my weekend... along with everything else this crazy weekend might have in store for me. Keene is never boring now. I don't think my friends will let it be boring. One of my friends has been encouraging me to stay. She keeps on saying "Chick before dicks" and I think at one point I was like "what if I want dick for once". Yeah, that DEFINITELY came out wrong. Hm, probably a good idea NOT to be so stupid at times. But it comes naturally.

Ooohh one of my friend already has stuff over my head, but I have stuff over his head. God, I hope I don't say anything stupid this weekend. Drunken nights, hm... haven't had one of those for a long time.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

From Weather, Weekends and Winter Break

All it ever does it rain. There's a BIG puddle in the parking lot right outside of my dorm. And it's POURING out. I think we're supposed to get snow soon. Greattt!!! So much for that small span of Fall weather. It just went downhill from the first flood of Keene. And if someone says "it's the end of the world" one more time I'm going to kick em!

Anyways, I'm going home this weekend and the weekend after that. Didn't realize how much I love being at home. Maybe cause I don't party 24/7 anymore that I see the sweet cozy side of being at home. Plus you get the privacy and you get to shower without wearing sandals on. OH THE JOY!!! And I get to see the BF when I go home. I just gotta make sure my friend is up to taking me home this weekend. She usually offers me rides but I gotta make sure it's alright.

I can't wait until Winter Break. We get one month off and I get to enjoy being at home. Yeah, of course I'll be working probably fulltime, but at least, I'll be making molla. And it's a bonus I get to see my BF more since we work at the same mall. It should be an interesting month. I'm pretty sure my bro will be coming back. He goes to an out-of-state college and I think Nanny is coming to spend Christmas with us this year.

OH! Mom, Dad, and Nanny are going on a cruise! A CRUISE! And they didn't even invite me. *Pout*

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Long-term that I am

I have trouble with starting something, because if I start something willingly then I'm in for it the LONG haul. I've very picky about what I want to start. Unlike being totally random as I usually am, I'm never random about my decisions. If I decide to start something, it's never short-term.

For example,

When I eat chocolate or anything sugary sweet... I can't stop.

When I write... I spend HOURS trying to figure out how to put things and what to write.

When I fall in love... it's FOR AWHILE because I love deeply and with all that I have! Why? Because I used to be the type of person that would wear my heart on my sleeve. Until someone hurt me VERY much and I put up my guards. So, now it takes me longer to give my heart totally away. And when I do, it's meant to be (in a sense) "forever".

When I dance... I keep dancing until I can't stand and all my energy is drained.

When I eat ice cream... Ooooohhhh! Restraint isn't a word in my vocabulary at the very moment.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Stressed Out!

I think music is definitely my therapy. The combination of music and dancing always helps me get the stress out of my system. Or else I'm going to be Miss Fatty soon, because I swear I'm gonna gain more than 10lbs just this damn week. AHHHH!!! Oh well, I think I'll just be happy if this week is over. I think I'm gonna go home this weekend. That is if the rain doesn't flood the streets again - then I'll be stuck here.

If it's supposed to pour and the river overflows then maybe we'll get evacuated. But I think that's a hopeful wish. I think I'm getting to the point when I can't STAND being here. I just wanna escape. I'm just losing it.

Weekend Blues

Well, it's been an interesting LONG weekend. First with the "BF" coming for the weekend and Keene made the News about the flooding. I spent all Sunday racing around Keene taking pictures of the flooded sidestreets of good ole Keene. It's crazy. People canoeing or kayaking down the street. It reminded me of Venice in some ways. I was everywhere. I think that's the only time I really took good walk & tour around Keene. I think I managed to see all of the Keene Staters out and about around the town of Keene. How the hell does everything manage to happen at the same time as an earthquake in Iran and a mudslide in Guatamala?

On a lighter note, I think my "BF" and I are over. He hasn't called. We've textmsged each other, but he hasn't called. And maybe he expects me to call, but the thing is - if he didn't call the day he left to back to Mass then it's a bad thing. 1) He left the Saturday afternoon when the rain was pounding down. That night he didn't call and I was going crazy cause I wanted to know if he got back alright. BUT HE DIDN'T CALL! So, I textmsged me the next morning after I realized I had fallen asleep and he textmsged me back saying he was good. Is it that hard to call and say "I got back fine, but I've gots to go. I'm a bit busy." 2) the weekend was strange. Due to PMSing streaks, I was very distant and catty. I tried not to be so PMSy. But it's kinda hard. It's natural for a girl to be not themselves during this time.

Since it's a long-distance relationship, the easiest way to end it is cut of the communication. Hence, he hasn't called me. And I feel like crying.